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Author: Oriana

A Poem of a Borderline’s Confession

I see you, but you don’t really see me. I show you who I want you to see, who I think you want me to be.   My very existence depends on your acceptance I fear the death that is, rejection.   My life, is not my own. I serve others, for love. Myself, I disown.   My insides are boiling, trying to escape I pace back and forth, I rock and shake.   Get me out of myself Again, I flee. Self destruction consuming me.   Letting it all go, An illusion of freedom. A slave to my emotions and inner demons.   Ill sabotage the good, and push...

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Mental Health Myth Buster

The saying “No bad days” has become a popular phrase. I understand the concept of promoting a constant positive attitude, although it is not realistic to never have a bad day, nor is it healthy. It would be especially harmful for someone with mental illness – we will have setbacks, we will have panic attacks, we will have another crisis.  This is a part of our growing, healing and moving forward. Not allowing yourself to have a bad day could be viewed as neglect of self care.  Sometimes you need that day to veg-out and do absolutely nothing.  To...

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Mental Illness…A dirty Little secret

Have you ever thought, “something is wrong with me” or “I just want to be normal”? Have you ever felt that your life is not your life at all, but rather that you were a slave to the intense emotions that take you captive abruptly and drive you to the ends of the earth like a devastating natural disaster? Your emotions are trying to tell you something.  They know something that we might not. Can you remember what age you were when you “didn’t feel quite right”? For me, I was about 11 years old.  Things were so bad...

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The Debilitating Phrase you Should STOP Saying.

I found my anxiety climbing for the last couple of days.  By the third day I noticed it the most. If I was sitting down I was rocking back in forth, unable to sit still.  If I was standing, I was pacing back and forth.  I would catch myself take a gasp for air as it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.  My back was killing me. Sound familiar? I kept saying in frustration, “why do I feel this way”?.  I was so obsessed with how I was feeling I couldn’t concentrate on my simple daily tasks. My...

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Looking Beyond the Symptoms

What are symptoms? Symptoms are physical or mental changes that indicate a certain disease or disorder. In this case, behaviours can be a symptom.  Always with any symptom, there is an underlying cause. The behaviours that are associated with Borderline Personality Disorder are also symptoms.  These “symptoms” characterize the disorder, though each behaviour is not the disorder itself. The symptoms or behaviour’s themselves can create problems but are not the main problem. Examples of behaviours or symptoms: Alcohol and drug abuse Promiscuity, sex Gambling or excessive spending Self mutilation, cutting Suicidality Reckless driving and/or other dangerous activities We all have our vices, our outlets, and they all...

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