I see you, but you don’t really see me.

I show you who I want you to see,

who I think you want me to be.

My very existence depends on your acceptance

I fear the death that is, rejection.

My life, is not my own.

I serve others, for love.

Myself, I disown.

My insides are boiling, trying to escape

I pace back and forth, I rock and shake.

Get me out of myself

Again, I flee.

Self destruction consuming me.

Letting it all go,

An illusion of freedom.

A slave to my emotions and inner demons.

Ill sabotage the good, and push you away

Ill test the limits and hope you’ll stay.

I cut myself, to interpret the pain.

Your understanding I’ll never gain.

Lock me up,

Make my decisions.

I can’t be trusted, with the life I am living.

I envy others.

I imitate.

I wear a smile, but all is fake.

 

The lost little girl.

Trying to find her way home.

Terrified to be alone.

My identity, I hope to find in you

I wait to be rescued, from my shame and depression

These things I’ll never tell you,

This is a Borderline’s confession.

Much love,

Oriana

xo

Keep healing, keep growing, keep finding your truth.

Image by Tim Grundter from Pexels.com