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Author: Oriana

When BPD Makes you Consistently Inconsistent

I have often felt like a walking contradiction.  Living this way has my mind and heart oscillating between two extreme but opposite realities.  This inconsistency of my personality has me questioning my very sense of self; who I am? Who do I want to be?   My inner voice at time cheers me on one day, raises doubts the next.  Not knowing what I am going to feel like (who I’m going to be) the next day, has me feeling exhausted, confused and frustrated.   The two extremes in perception and emotion that I experience in the ‘borderline’ part...

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Is Your Past Creating a Roadblock to Wellness?

In my teenage and early adult years, I was so consumed with my own suffering, that I didn’t realize how my suicidality and self destructive tendencies affected my parents.   Having tunnel vision, I was hyper focused on my own emotional pain   I have to admit; at the time I didn’t really care how they felt. After all, the trauma I experienced while in their care was the cause of my developing BPD in the first place. Right?   Having grown up in chronological age, as well as, emotional age, I now see things much differently.   Also,...

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Borderline Splitting – Chaos to Perfection

Humans are complex beings which can readily experience two opposite feelings at the same time – for example:  seeing someone on vacation and feeling happy for them while at the same time feeling sad for yourself.   Children in their very early development are unable to hold these complexities yet.  The world and those in it (including themselves) are either good or bad, either heroes or villain’s. A child’s thinking is black and white.  There is no gray – no complexity. This is normal.   When childhood development is interrupted with abuse, neglect and/or other forms of trauma however, their  development...

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What’s Hiding Behind Your Anger ? . .

Recently I had an epiphany . . . rewinding, I had several days of feeling very lost, consumed with anger, irritability, and found I was lashing out at those I love.  I could find any reason to be angry with my loved one––was stuck in a cycle of blaming and pointing fingers. I knew how I was behaving, yet felt no control over it, to the point where I was irritated with myself. I asked my partner what it was like loving someone with BPD.  He expressed “loving is easy, living with, is hard” . . . I took...

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Self-Awareness is a Super Power

With BPD it feels as if my emotions are happening to me, rather than me simply feeling them and then choosing how to respond.  Emotions seem so big, overwhelming and intense, that they swallow me up – there seems to be no space between emotion and reaction.  Many times I have heard that individuals with BPD feel emotions much more than the average person.  People with Borderline Personality Disorder are so super-sensitive it can be likened to walking around with 3rd degree burns and having emotional hemophilia.   I know for myself, that I am very much a super-feeler...

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